Developing Grace

I have always thought of myself as a bit leaden and clunky. Being popular was never me; at best it was one or two close friends, people I spent an inordinate amount of time with. It wasn’t a pretty childhood, and the “magic thing” didn’t happen as I became older. I was sort of hoping it would just spontaneously correct itself.

I’ve learnt it takes effort to overcome your personal deficiencies. For me, it was that social awkwardness from not having mixed in a large group, from not having learnt how to joke and banter, how to have that easy flow of words.

In recent years I’ve worked hard at developing a few social graces. Perhaps not being as blunt or dismissive as I used to be, really learning to listen and read what a person is trying to say, trying to join in groups a bit more.

These changes might be seen as “being fake”, but it’s more about expressing these other, dormant sides of yourself. Not character change, but rather character development. Some things aren’t as locked in as I thought they were. And for that I say thanks.


27 Responses to “Developing Grace”

  1. Grace Says:

    As you’ve probably noticed “Grace” is one of my favorite words. I don’t think learning social graces is being fake. It’s pleasant to move through life gracefully. And it’s good character development to learn when to be restrained and when to put yourself out there.

    Thanks for the listing in your blogroll. I’ve added you to mine too.

  2. ggwfung Says:

    A comment from Grace on the subject of Grace?

    I like it!


  3. SilverTiger Says:

    I think we wear different masks at different times, even with ourselves. “Personality” after all comes from persona which originally meant an actor’s mask. There are good ways to get through life and bad ways, pleasant ways and unpleasant ways. Adapting ourselves to circumstances and to the people we are dealing with is one of the good ways: it makes things more pleasant for us and for others. It enables us to get more out of life and to put more in. Learning “grace”, as you call it, is a skill not fakery. We never show our real selves even to ourselves so how can you fake a fake?

    Email SilverTiger

  4. Gracie Says:

    I echo SilverTiger in that we do wear different masks around certain people or in social situations that make us comfortable without being fake. The majority of people have insecurity issues however we mistakingly think they are more confident without flaws.

    BTW, now you have a Gracie commenting on your Grace post. 😉

    Thanks for stopping by my site and commenting, I appreciate it.

  5. ggwfung Says:

    Hi Gracie, man this is starting to freak me out.

    a world full of grace,
    what a wonderful place

    I think Milton would scotch that one. 🙂


  6. Kelly Says:

    I think it’s always good to take a step back, look at how you operate in the world and try to stretch a bit outside the lines of the old comfort zone. Learning to tune more into others cannot be a bad thing.

    I’ve spent a lifetime too tuned into others and now am learning to tune into myself, honour my needs and hungers. As I do so, I’m finding a whole new and more authentic capacity to give of myself and be in the world.

    By the way, I like people who are awkward and don’t know what to say. It’s genuine.


  7. ggwfung Says:

    Hi Kelly, I like those last two lines –

    “By the way, I like people who are awkward and don’t know what to say. It’s genuine.”

    It warms my heart. There’s still a bit of me in that.


  8. fatsavage Says:

    Unto thy self be true.

    I’ve given up on grace and charm and the only difference between then and now is Young Fat Savage and Old Fat Savage.

    Ah, A Savage by any other name is still a Savage.

  9. ggwfung Says:

    wish you could drop that fat, no? But then your honest, fascinating blog would no longer exist. Here’s to authenticity and originality.

    thanks for reading my friend


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