Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y (a conversation)

March 8, 2007

Metatrons Art Gallery

Boomers: I’ve got it
Gen X: I don’t
Gen Y: Who needs it? (I’ve got myspace)

Boomers: I can buy it
Gen X: I’ve been divorced (4 times)
Gen Y: I can find it (on myspace)

Boomers: I can buy it
Gen X: I do yoga and pilates
Gen Y: I do world of warcraft

Boomers: I’m CEO
Gen X: I’m not
Gen Y: Who needs work?

Boomers: I can buy it
Gen X: Books are god
Gen Y: wikipedia is god

The Real Difference Between Men and Women

February 5, 2007

{WARNING: humor ahead}

Through exhaustive studies on this blog, I have discovered the real difference between men and women.

Men like sport. Women don’t.

Women like gossip mags. Guys don’t.

A truly groundshattering discovery I know. But let’s get it out in the open, so there’s no confusion.

Men have a certain default, and that is doing. Preferably they would like to go out and thump someone in the head, but society being what it is, us guys can’t do that anymore. So we settle for the next best thing – watch someone else thump someone. And the bigger the guys the better. So NFL rules. And Ice Hockey too, where they take a big stick and whack people in the legs and chest. Pretty primitive, but that’s what guys like. Deep down.

And chicks, they like nothing better than to chat. To say how bent that girl’s nose is, or how big her bum juts out. Or her chin has a dimple like a crater. Or those ankles are really bony. It’s like guys bashing each other up, except chicks do it with words. Easier. Smarter. Less effort. Nothing like a good snipe or rumour to get chicks all excited. Makes life worth living, just like Who Weekly.

I think I deserve a Nobel.

The Seven Digital Sins (and how to avoid them)

January 21, 2007

An original list by moi and myself.

1. Coffee and Keyboards – do not mix, ever. Although they’re as cheap as cheese these days (the keyboards that is) it can put you out of action for half a day. Minor sin.

2. Doing Stuff on Someone Else’s Account – they left themselves logged in, it’s not my fault is it? Yes it is. Could be classified as the Uber Temptation of the Digital World, more sneaky than any snake. I’ve managed to avoid this thus far, but only by a couple of mouseclicks. Original sin.

3. Pretending you didn’t get That Email – ignorance is bliss, fake ignorance isn’t. Conscience is a powerful creature. Always blame the spam filter if a question arises pertaining to said email. That way the onus goes back to the sending party (foul language, dancing laptop girls, Nigerian bank accounts). It was their fault. Venal sin.

4. Writing your Passwords down – we know we’re not supposed to do it, but what else do I do with 248 different logins? I’m not supposed to trust the password manager either, but I do that too. A human failing. Minor sin.

5. Commenting without reading the Article – guilty as charged. I’ve done this one, and once you hit that submit button, it’s gone. Embarassment till the web implodes on a bad solar cycle. Hilarious when someone else does it, humiliating when your smartarse self does it. Original sin.

6. Searching for stuff, hoping google won’t find out – Father Google never sleeps. He knows everything. Think you can get away with a sneaky search on Beyonce or that trash tv show? Think again. It all gets logged, and one day someone will publish it with your name on it. Then you’ll be sorry, really sorry. Venal sin.

7. Not Powering Down – a simple thing, but power gets drained even on standby. We have a world to consider for future generations, and we haven’t mastered the art of renewable energies just yet. Guilty, and an original sin.

So there we have it, looks like I’ll be heading to digital hell.  (a place with no google, no wikipedia, no wordpress …)